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ohh-bother:


pixiedust-paycheck:

I can’t

Walk into the club like what up I got a big flock
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unamusedsloth:

Puppy fire drill.
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alwaysri8:

gaybrielandasstiel:

thespooklock:

thespooklock:

so my plan for halloween is to dress up as a Nazgul with my black horse and go trick or treating but instead of saying “trick or treat” i’ll either scream or hiss “Bagginssssssssss, Shhhhhhhire” and then ransack their villages in my search for the One Ring

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i bet

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you guys

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thought

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i was joking

oh dear god

HOW MANY PEOPLE DID YOU TERRORIZE

(Source: onvavoiir, via topaintfeathers)

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xbean:

ablogfortwolovers:

WHY DONT MORE PEOPLE LOVE STING RAYS LOOK AT THAT FACE

Because they ganged up on the crocodile hunter and shanked him in cold blood.
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unironically-ironic:

wendygirlyoumoveme:

WHATEVER YOU DO DO NOT BUY HERITAGE BRAND CHEESE SINGLES LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY HORRIFIC MORNING
TODAY I DECIDED I WANTED SOME GRILLED CHEESE SO I PULLED OUT OF THE FRIDGE THIS PACKET OF SINGLES THAT MY MOM BOUGHT AT SOME CHEAPO STORE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING SANDED WASTELANDS (AKA WINCO) 
I TOOK THESE THINGS OUT OF THE FRIDGE AND IMMEDIATELY THEY WOULDN’T FUCKING OPEN.  YOU KNOW THAT SMOOTH SLIDE YOU GET WHEN YOU OPEN UP A KRAFT SINGLE?  FUCKING NONE OF THAT.  THEY WRAPPING WAS LITERALLY PART OF THE CHEESE AND IT HAD BEEN TORN TO SHREDS BY THE TIME IT LANDED ON MY SANDWICH.
THAT WAS THE SECOND RED FLAG.  THE FIRST WAS THAT IT SAID “IMITATION PASTEURIZED PROCESS CHEESE FOOD" ON THE FRONT. THEY THROW IMITATION OUT THERE IN FRONT LIKE A FUCKING DISCLAIMER, BUT THEY ADD “FOOD” JUST TO REASSURE YOU THAT YEAH, THIS SHOULD BE EDIBLE.
THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WERE SO SLIMY TO THE TOUCH I WOULD THINK THAT A FUCKING SLUG EJACULATED ON THEM IF I DIDN’T KNOW BETTER.  ACTUALLY, THAT’S NOT VERY FAR-FETCHED GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCE.
I SMELLED THESE PIECES OF SHIT AND IT WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA I INSTANTLY REGRETTED BECAUSE THE FRAGRANCE THAT ASSAULTED MY NOSTRILS WAS THAT OF PLASTIC.  THE KIND MY DINOSAUR ACTION FIGURES WERE MADE OF AS A KID.  I WAS IMMEDIATELY TAKEN TO MY CHILDHOOD, A BETTER PLACE WHERE MY SANDWICHES DIDN’T LOOK LIKE SATAN SPAWN AFTER I WAS DONE COOKING THEM.
AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT I PUT CHEESE’S MENTALLY UNSTABLE STEP-COUSIN ON THE BREAD AND GRILLED THAT SHIT IN A BUBBLING PAN OF BUTTER, HOPING TO CHRIST THAT I WOULD GET SOME DECENT ABSTINENCE IN ME WITHOUT PROJECTILE VOMITING.  I WAS WRONG.  I WAS SO WRONG.
I DON’T KNOW IF YOU KNEW THIS, BUT CHEESE TYPICALLY MELTS WHEN YOU PUT IT ON BREAD AND IN A FUCKING PAN WITH THE HEAT TURNED UP.  WHEN MINE DID NOT AFTER THE BREAD WAS NEAR BURNED TO A CRISP, I DECIDED TO BREAK THE UNIVERSAL LAWS OF CHEESE GRILLING AND PUT MY SANDWICH IN THE MICROWAVE.
AFTER MINUTES IN THE MICROWAVE IT WAS NOT MELTED BUT INSTEAD RESEMBLED A PAIR OF CAKEY COUCH CUSHIONS THAT SOMEONE HAD PUT THEIR DICK INSIDE AND FUCKED SO HARD THEY NEEDED A DENTIST TO GET THE STUFFING OUT OF THEIR ESOPHAGUS.  THE ONLY DIFFERENCE WAS THAT I WOULD PROBABLY BEEN MUCH MORE EXCITED TO EAT THE STUFFING.
DON’T BUY THESE ASSHOLES AND THEIR FAKE, CHEESY, DISGUSTING LIES.

Thanks
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snaps7:

snapslikethis:

queernymphadora:

snapslikethis:

riversnogs:

riversnogs:

That moment in your childhood when you realize that Diagon Alley is just the word diagonally….

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And the Mirror of Erised is just the word desire backwards.

Didn’t even realize. Does that mean Knockturn Alley is nocturnally (dark/night)?

Yes, and Grimmauld Place is a play on grim old place. 

DUDE.

And Dumbledore is just a dumb old door

(via teenytigress)

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sassydragon:

sassydragon:

but imagine if we had tiny little dragons

the size of puppies

and they would go wherever we went sitting on our shoulders and hissing at everyone who tried to touch you because you’re their most special thing in the universe and they are so tiny it’s ridiculously cute

the fact that this post has more notes than i ever expected makes me really glad 

(via okaysoufflegirl)